So where were we, well you were in the Alpujarras and I was in Granada and those were not the best of times. It took two years to get everything sorted and find a house for us all to live in near Granada.
During those years we did not really move ahead, it was like I was struggling through the weeks to see you and your mom for a couple of hours over the weekend.
The bright sight, I had a job.
On the dark side we did not get much more stable financially but at least there was a steady income. I still wonder if that was worth missing you for, I guess it was the price I paid for having so much time with you before the Primary School Times.
But we now had enough money to buy you cool presents
Moving Back To Granada
Once back in Granada, you did so well in school, you still hated it but you hated getting bad grades even more. That disgust for school always came in the shape of tummy aches. I walked you to the bus so many times with you complaining about that pain, it only got better when you got Maestro Rapha.
I still wonder what caused it.
Was it that horrible school in Ogijares or did something happen in that weird little school in GBayarcal? It seems that the headmistress over there also had some very crazy tactics to make kids walk her way. Locking them up in classrooms without any light and telling them that she loved them better than their own parents.
School is so overrated....
So is work. To keep up with our lifestyle, I started to work overtime. I spend every Saturday and Sunday morning filing forms to bring in some extra bucks.
When we went to Mojacar I would get up 2 hours before you and your mom and spend those on the toilet filing forms just to pay for the holiday.
The Good, The Pretty, and The Father
Financially we were doing better, but your mom's health was getting worse. That meant we had to rely on workawayers (people that help out for food and a place to sleep) more and more.
We had the good, the bad, and the mediocre ...we even had one (or two) we both liked a lot. Although I liked her a lot before you even were born.
I was really happy that we were living all together in one house again, even though it meant I was busy all the time. Getting you ready for school, doing homework after dinner, walking the dogs...the best walks were when you joined. Somehow that just made it more work, and much more fun.
It sometimes felt as if I joined the dark side, the corporate side, but I hope that even then you knew that I am your Father.
One of my favorite memories from those day is you and I learning the whole lyrics of this next song. We also tried to sing it, but as I do have a horrible singing voice I let you take the lead.:
It?s a kind of Magic
Another great Memory is Magic The Gathereing.
You were more and more drawn Manga & Magic The Gathering. I think you were 10 years old when we build your first deck and went to the card shop where we played our first tournament.
We played together and even though you were the youngest by far, you beat guys that were much older. And yes we lost most of the matches, but you learned and kept going.
You always kept going, ever since you crawled out of the egg.
In that sense, you resemble your dad a lot. We don?t quit we just keep walking. And we both had to because times got hard. I am not sure if there is a clear thing that caused it, but if I do need to give a root cause why things got so difficult between your mom and me it?s that we grew apart.
Those years in Loma Verde your mom often could not leave her room, that meant we had workawayers all the time helping us out. For me those were busy times.
I would get up early in the morning to feed and walk the four dogs (and three cats).
Then have a coffee and prepare your breakfast and my lunch. I would wake you up once I was done, and get you ready for school.
After I made you brush your hair and teeth (with different brushes of course) I would make sure there was a workawayer awake to bring you to the bus.
Then I would leave the house, go to work and be back around six. Back home I had a quick chat with your mom and you about your day, before helping you with your homework and making dinner.
After dinner we would do some homework if any, I would pack your backpack because if I would leave that up to you...you were sure to forget half of your stuff everyday.
The A for Forgetting
How many times did I find a letter from school, that you were supposed to give to us...but forgot about. If you could get a grade for forgetting you would have gotten an A for sure.
We really tried to make you sleep in your own room, but due to so many circumstances, you always ended up in my room. Even when I put you to bed in yours I was sure to wake up and find you next to me.
And I did not mind really, your mom needed her rest and I was happy to have some time with you now that I was away so much.
And even though our lives got busier we made time for crazy fun stuff and mud baths.
Guess we all learn that life has its ups and its downs. Fun times became rare during that last year together as a family. Even on the weekends, things would not always go as planned.
My weekend plan was always to do some overtime before you woke up. And as soon as you were really awake and finished watching your first cartoon, I wanted to do some fun stuff together.
It did not matter what, swimming, Lego, Skylanders, Magic The Gathering anything. I always planned to make time for you.
Unfortunately, your mom and I drifted more and more apart. Partly due to her illness. She had to spend a lot of time in her room and I spent a lot of time organizing the household if I was not at work.
More often than not that caused us to have endless discussions on the weekend. Always at the time I planned to do fun stuff with you.
I feel bad when I think about those mornings and early afternoons. I remember sitting in her room listening to her while thinking by myself: "Just say yes so you can spend time with Kiki."
Those discussions made me feel guilty. Those hours I had planned to spend with you often ended up being only half the time, or less, to do "the you & me stuff" I planned.
Looking back I think your mom and I just married too soon. We hardly knew each other, we were married in less than 18 months after we met.
So many awesome things happened during those first years, of which you were the most awesome one, but things changed when money became a struggle.
I got stressed, she got stressed, she got sick, I got a job and somewhere along life's path, we lost our connection. And if that happens it?s probably better to swallow the bitter pill and end an unhappy situation, than to remain unhappy for the rest of your life.
But as your mom was sick I did not want to leave her, so I had to make it work. It didn?t work, but I think your mom felt the same and when she met a new guy that made her happy she decided that it was time to leave.
In the end that was probably best for all of us, although I am sure it was hard to accept that at first.
I am not sure if you know, but I have visited multiple psychologists during that last year. It was an attempt to figure out if there was something I could do to change, and by changing change the course of the marriage.
It was not my initial choice, but your mom's. She thought I might have something within the autistic spectrum that caused the difficulties between us.
Your Dad Ain?t Crazy
After three psychologists and many sessions, I can tell you...I am normal..sort of. They were not able to diagnose me with any specific autistic label.
What they did all tell me was that I was so busy taking care of everything and everyone that I lost myself.
This was true, I remember when my doctor asked me what I would like to do for myself, I did not know, no clue what I liked to do. It had been too long ago and I lost myself along the way.
Every end is a new beginning
Now everyone was headed in a new direction. I remained in the house for as long as I could afford it, while your mom moved into a new place. You stayed with me for the first weeks, to make it all as smooth as possible and only moved in with her and Romet once everything was ready.
To this day I think Romet was a gift, you liked him a lot and he was crazy about you as well. I really hoped this change would be for the best for all of us, but especially for you.
At least now you would not have to come up the stairs anymore and ask me when we were going to play while I was having an intense talk with your mom.
You never really spoke to me about how you experienced this period, and I guess I did not talk to my parents about it when they got divorced,
Like my own parents, I tried to do what was best for everyone, and especially best for you.
Divorces are never fun and your mom called her lawyer a pit bull, and I guess I found a sly fox. In the end, the pit bull and the fox were able to work something out without too much fighting.
I tried to find a house near to you, so I could pick you up every other week like the judge said I could. Even though we both thought the judge was like the king, both stupid.
Soon you and I decided for ourselves when we would spend a weekend together.
I never wanted to force you to come over, I wanted you to want me...or at least want to stay at my place. Something I think worked out very well over the course of those first years.
You came when you wanted to come and often stayed a bit longer, we were finally having quality time again.
Ficzone was probably your favorite thing we did that year. How much money (that I did not have) did we spend that day?
It was awesome although I did not expect your love for manga and cosplay would develop as it did.
The fact that we found a good balance did not mean it wasn?t hard to only see you every now and then, But hey the time we had was well spent. We had a good rhythm and a great taxi driver. I only had to pay for picking you up and bringing you back, while he allowed me to go with him to pick you up and bring you back free of charge.
It took a bit of time but we worked it all out in the best way possible. Until that day your mom called to ask if you could stay with me for a week....
Part 2 is a bit of a short one still I hope you enjoyed me looking back and are looking forward to Part 3 tomorrow.
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